Faith is a funny thing. It is either increasing or declining. It seems for me in the hardest walks of my life my faith is heightened. I feel like a rock during those times but when it halts my whole world gets rocked.
I love conference weekend. I especially looked forward to it this year and had been praying to find answers to specific prayers. As Saturday came I felt such a gratitude that I didn't have to spend my day taking pictures and I could spend the day with my husband savoring the words of our leaders. There have been many times in my life when conference talks seem like they are an answer to a problem or a prayer that I've been seeking answers. When this talk came on the screen the words made my heart leap. My doubts of our adoption seem to scatter. The kids and Steve started laughing as I shouted...oh here it is this is my talk.
"Never give up on someone you can't go a day without thinking about"
As we continue on our adoption journey we pray for a birth mother to find us. We are ready to be more active in our search. In the beginning I felt a little shy to seek after a birth mother when so many that needed a birth mother did not have any children and the Lord has blessed us with four so I guess I felt selfish. BUT, after little walk through my journal pages reminded me of our strong desires to have more children and my body not cooperating in such a way that allowed us to continue. I was reminded of my dream from June 11, 2010 and the prayers from the lips of my children. The doubts began when our monies had been raised but no baby arrived. More doubts came when the agency said if we raised our budget four more thousand dollars we would have a quicker placement. It is hard for me to understand. More doubts began when Steve and I added up the money it takes for Blake and I to drive to our school every day in gas prices $800 a month and that's not including Steve's big gas guzzler. His work is close and his job provides a gas allowance for on the job travel. It would make so much more sense for us to sale this house and move to our land but moving during an adoption is not a good idea because it changes home study documents and we would have to rent while we build...oh the drama of all that keeps us here! As soon as I listened to the words of that talk my doubt seemed to disappear! Here we are- we've made it this far. We have had our eyes opened to a path our family is suppose to take and we cannot close them! We are with American adoptions still and also with the state adoptions through adoptuskids.org We have recently been contacted from the state adoptions for two different sibling cases. We can also get a placement through a friend or another agency if they contact us directly. We are open and willing to do what the Lord has in store for our family. Although we've been contacted the process takes a long time. We may not match even if we agree. We look forward to the end of the puzzle. We talk about it every single day. Our family has learned so much from this process and it the puzzle is still missing pieces.
I understand now why people say just when you think you might be blessing the life of a child it's really the child that is blessing our lives.
Last night in my scriptures I was reading in the Book of Mormon...2Nephi 32:3-5, ...wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ: for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
Wherefore, now after I have spoken these words, if ye cannot understand them it will be because ye ask not, neither do ye knock; wherefore ye are not brought into the light, but must perish in the dark.
For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do"
and I love how the Bible goes hand in hand with the Book of Mormon in Luke we read
Luke 11:9 And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
In our church we do not have a paid ministry. The members serve in a "calling" job in the church as a volunteer and although there is not a monetary blessings there are many blessings that come from the service. Right now I serve as the young women president. I get to work with the girls ages 12-18. It is a great season in my life since my Leah Beth is in this program.
This past summer I got to attend girls camp with these girls. Spending a week with them opened my eyes to what they are really like and I completely loved them! They are a special group of girlies and so strong in such a hard time to be a teenager.
One girl did not want to stay. She cried to go home. I felt strong that she needed to stay and as she made the sacrifice she may not have seen the blessings but I did. So many of the girls look to her and follow her lead. One thing she did for me in particular is she gathered all our girls and ask them if we could say a prayer for our adoption. I was so touched that she would even think of me.
As I prayed last night I was reminded of her sweet little prayer and how simple it was as she gathered the girls together and prayed the sweetest prayer. One of the things she said is let Gretchen and Steve find their child and know what they need to do to find their baby. As soon as I remembered her prayer I remembered the agency saying I needed to use our family blog to get our name out there to help us find our birth mother. I'm 100 percent sure that those little "remembrances" were not just because since I haven't thought of those things in months. I may not be great a updating our blog but we are going to try to be better. Our little profile tells so little about us and to make a video is another 1000 so we are going to go this blog route for awhile. So we ask again for you to join with us in prayer.....I believe that one prayer can do so much but many prayers together can move mountains. I can't wait to watch the Lord move our mountain!
No comments:
Post a Comment