The difference a week can make!

 I really didn't want to blog after this past week,  or write or think about the way I feel, but decided if I don't start today I may never start back. I love our family blog and that we print it for our family history. So although I don't want to think about it now I know later I'll be glad I did.
I never imagined I would be writing this post. I never imagined the surgery wouldn't work. I just knew we needed a heart and that he wouldn't survive without one. I never thought that his body was too weak or it just wouldn't work when he got a heart. Even in the end I kept thinking NO he's a fighter, look how much he's fought. I sat in shock as the doctors explained to us that it wouldn't work. That he couldn't fight any more.  I have been through at least a million different emotions in the past week and I can't imagine how many more are too come.
For starters-shock-when they called us to that awful quiet room.
next-anger-I could've kicked every single plant in that hospital over.
next-sad
next-sad
next-gratitude that he was so planned and didn't leave us with too many decisions
next-sad
then-anger again
then-lonely
next-thankfulness again for the gospel
then sad
it goes on and on. Today I am paranoid beyond control. I am so afraid something terrible will happen to steve or mom or my kids or Adrian's family or steve's family.  Pretty much I guess I could be classified as crazy!
We had a beautiful funeral-there are no words that can say how it felt that night.
I feel blessed so many have helped us thru this and brought food, and prayed and more. I literally feel showered with prayers, love and affection and food! It has been nice to not worry about how to feed my family or trying to cook for them.   I know now why people send flowers and plants. Mom's, Adrian's and my house smells so good with fresh flowers and the green plants are so pretty in the sun room. It actually does bring cheer.  I know the next few weeks will suck. We just have to get through them. It is hard to get from racing to the hospital to see him and feed him his favorite lemon yogurt to  now missing him and his funny things he says-wishing I could have another 30 minutes more. I just never imagined this was the plan. I never imagined that this would feel like shattered glass inside my body.  I thought if we got the chance for a heart he'd be healing and coming home in a few weeks. We heard so many successful stories.  I just never imagined this.
I know we will heal. I understand we will be together again but today it just sucks!  I was told this past week that this is the time we really put our faith to test. It's true how many times this week I've just wished to be able to see where he was-to feel how he feels-and as we know faith is the belief of things we know are real without seeing them.  I know he is watching over us still, and not wanting us to worry about him. It is truly a test of faith though.
My plan is to return to school tomorrow and be with mom on the weekend.  One day at a time, isn't that how it goes!

Week in Review!

What a week we have had a the Solomon house!

On Tuesday a feeding tube was put in papa. He really didn't want it and neither did I but it has really strengthened him. He has been able to get up a little bit. He can hold his head up and he is talking now. He still unable to feed himself but is much stronger than last week.  In fact he is talking a lot. He started steroids to get him ready for the surgery. The medication has changed his personality. It's kinda funny. He is the sweetest most considerate person and now he is like an old mean and grumpy man!  I couldn't believe how grumpy. He said the nurses were trying to kill him!  We have laughed and laughed and laughed because we have never seen or heard him say the things he is saying!  He never rolls his eyes at mom and for the first time in my life I saw him rolling his eyes at most everything she says!  He told her to get over here so he could squeeze her arm and quit asking him if he wants some food!  She thinks its funny!  It kind of scares me. He will have to be on steroids after the surgery for the most part of his life. I hope it doesn't change his personality forever!  The doctors say sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't!  

Tuesday I skipped my night class to run up to visit. The girls wanted to take a few valentines gifts!

Me during CPR training and certification for children and infants during one of the night classes.

Our sweet girl Leah Beth got invited to New Beginnings at church for young women.  She will be 12 in 2010 so they invited all the girls that were coming in to YW this year. She was so excited. Her Daddy missed scouts and was able to be there for the big occasion. She can't wait to be in the program!

Our helper Caroline read 6 hours this week to win a ticket to six flags!  She was non-stop reading! She did it so I guess we'll be heading back to six flags this year!

Andrew and his BFF Mitchell painted the town Friday night at the school function! Mitchell even got to go with us to watch Blake's big win Sat. It was fun to have him there!

Blake worked his way at the regional tournament to a place at state.  We are so proud of our freshman and excited for the experience. It was amazing to watch and made the whole entire family nervous.  We were all on pins and needles. Blake said it was the most nervous he has ever been wrestling!  He had  16 other high schoolers in his weight class of 135/the largest weight class at the tournament.    He has trained for a long time for this weekend!  The last couple of weeks he began 4 hour/double practices. I don't know how he manages it all. He is so completely driven. I always say do you want to miss a day of school or seminary to catch up on sleep...and he always answers no way-I don't want to miss a day!  I don't know where I got him but I'm so glad I was blessed with him. He motivates me to try harder!

Blake's biggest fans!  Dad and Uncle Bruce. I don't know who was the most nervous the Dad or the Uncle!

Steve surprised me with a dinner date for our anniversary and we were going to the movies too but after that long two days of watching blake dinner was enough. We'll save the movies for another day!  For Valentines he went with me to the hospital and we had the best time visiting with mom and dad! It was the best gift ever and just what I needed. Thanks to all those who gave him the heads up on the idea post!

This is what I found when we came home from our date night Sat. night. Cheng and Chong  moved a mattress into the floor in our room!  Crazy girls I don't know why they even need a bedroom!

Wow!!! What a week!  Time sure does fly when your having fun!

Happy Sweethearts Day!

17 years and counting

Happy 17 years babe!

I'm the luckiest girl in the world! 

Can't wait to spend the day celebrating our 17th anniversay watching Blake wrestle today hoping for a spot at state! 

Friday Foto!

Dearest sweetheart!

This is just a reminder that.......
 in just one day and a half it will be Feb. 13...and  we will be celebrating our 17th year of marriage! Can you believe it?  How can it already be 17 years!  I have been with you almost longer than I lived at home with my family.   Life with you gets better every single day!  Seriously our last fight lasted 3 minutes instead of 3 days!!! Wow we're getting so good at this marriage thing!   Your overworked, stressed out,  poor college student wife needs a good gift-I know I am already pretty spoiled by gifts but just in case you needed it here are-

A few ideas:

date night alone with just me and you!

money

a new couch for the studio

The TV set up in the studio

dinner

date night (with us and with friends you know group date)

a clean house

a clean van

hot chocolate from Starbucks

dishes and laundry done for a whole week to be paid in when I really need it(-like during finals week or preschool picture week while mid-terms are going on! )

A Sunday drive to the land!

A love letter! (I know this is rough but I could ask for a big diamond!)

a certificate to get my hair and/or nails done

I'll keep thinking but this is enough to get you started! 
Oh and by the way I've had your gift 4 weeks...no pressure or anything!!!

Love your dearest sweetest wife!

Ha I don't think he even reads this blog but just in case it's worth a try right!!!!

Weekend's happenings!

Friday we spent trying to catch up from this past insane week. Saturday morning I left before the sun came up to attend a math conference for teachers-imagine me all day in a math conference with people wearing shirts that said "I LOVE MATH!" I got out of there as quickly as possible and headed down to spend the next 30 hours visiting my folks at St. Thomas who are now in week 3 of the critical care.   Our plot to try to stay longer by bathing and feeding him was cut a little shorter than last time I visited. I think the staff is catching on to us.  Although we got to stay longer the the 15 short minutes we are allowed each time.  They kicked us out twice. There have been some changes with Dad since I was last with him, he is much weaker. I had to leave the room at least 5 times to gather my thoughts-and keep my composure. I was really shocked to see how much weaker he had become.  He amazed me still by his will to fight. The strength he has is used for breathing but he was determined to do everything the doctors say to do.  The told him to sit up in the chair for an hour 3 times a day. So even with nothing left in his soul-he will sit up- he sat there with no strength to even hold his head up.  I begged him to get in the bed to let us put him back in bed for my own benefit to not have to watch the struggle,  but he said he needed to do what they said. He is having a hard time holding food down. I really hate for him to have a feeding tube but I know that is the next step. We got to bring him his favorite lemon yogurt. He loved that and it stayed down most of the time. My mom is struggling with not being able to take care of his every need. She wishes she had him home and is praying for the day they  move into the little after transplant apartment so she can take care of him just how she wants.

I was so happily greeted by some sweet family members when I returned last night-they all ran to meet me at the van, even Uncle Bruce!  I wrapped my arms around each one and thanked God for giving me a family to share my life with.  To my surprise my dear husband had done so well. All the laundry was done for the week. The house was clean and the refrigerator even cleaned out!  All the kids had been carted to practices and weekend birthday parties.  There was milk and cereal for breakfast.  Caroline whispered in my ear, "Will this be an every weekend thing for you to be gone?"  I said, "I'm not sure, why?" Her reply, "Don't know how much of Dad being in charge I can take!"

This week I am thankful for:

Living close enough to my family that I can visit often

parents that love each other still

witnessing the blessing that come from those who have given monetary and spiritual things (food, money, prayers etc) to my family during this struggle.

a supportive husband and children while I will need to be gone a lot.

a new understanding of people who hurt deeply when they watch the health of their parents melt away.

Good friends to talk to and who have given me and my family supportive text and unconditional love and support.

 stake primary counselors and sec. that I work with in my calling that step up to the plate while I am falling apart.

and answered prayers that he is still fighting while he waits.

Too good not to blog about

Yesterday was a huge writing assessment for many children throughout the state in certain grades. It just happens that Andrew and Leah Beth both had an assessment yesterday.  When we all got home I ask them what was their writing prompts. Leah Beth said she had to write about if she were able to jump in the pages of a book what would happen. Andrew's writing prompt was to write about a role model. 
So I had to ask..who did you write about...
His answer...BLAKE.
He went on to tell me all the qualities he wrote about his brother! Sure wish I could get a copy of that essay for my own sake!

One sure fire way to a mother's heart is when her children love each other!

New blog

My mom started a new blog click here to read the journey as papa gets a new heart!

Answered prayers!

The doctors met this morning and have decided to move him up to the very top of the list a 1A-without the surgery. WOW what a blessing!  All these prayers are working-he's stable and waiting! They meet every week to determine his status on a weekly basis!   Can't wait to see what this upcoming week will bring!
Just found out that our whole entire stake fasted for his benefit this past weekend. I had no idea. I am so grateful to be a part of an amazing church  and family and friends!

OVER 2 weeks

My sweet daddy has been in the hospital for a long time. This time over two weeks have gone by since he's been home. He spent Christmas there and returned home New Year's eve only to return again a week later.  He is back in critical care now. He's really weak. It is one of the hardest things I've witnessed in my life. Someone you love so much in so much pain and you really can't do anything about it.  It's hard for me to be here living my life and continuing on with my family while he's there suffering in the hospital and only getting to visit once in awhile.  And if you visit while he's in critical care you can only go in 15 minutes every 3 hours. (My mom has learned how to get more time though because she offers to feed him or bath him so the nurses don't have too and they gladly let her stay!) I thought about taking the semester off but he didn't want me to.  It is possible if he's strong enough this week they will do a huge procedure to put a device around his heart that will keep it pumping for him while he waits for his heart. If he does the surgery he will remain in critical care until he gets his new heart. It could be weeks, days or hours before that time.  And while many have mixed feelings about us praying for a heart-we are not praying for someone to die we are simply praying that if someone does die and that person  is a donor that it will match what we need. I am just glad we live in a time this is an option.  

yeah for snow weekends!

We've had the best weekend! Everything was cancelled due to snow!  We've watched movies, read, played monopoly and speed, played computers, danced to the teenage music coming from the back bedrooms,  made cookies and slept late!   Wish it never had to end. But,  Steve made his way back to work this morning! I'm suppose to be writing a paper on open-ended assessment (how boring), and life is slowly going back to the grind!  Thank goodness for snow weekends once in awhile!!