A new journey

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine  own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6

Almost two years ago our family knelt in family prayer. One of our children said the prayer. The words were said, "Please bless our family to know if we should adopt a brother or sister". Steve and I both opened our eyes during the prayer and looked at each other. This is the day our whole life changed.  As I listened to the prayer...I refused to feel what was burning deep inside my heart.  But I didn't do what Proverbs 3: 5 said I trusted in my own understanding and that was the way I was going to be. I had a heavy load, I was trying to finish my college degree, I served in church as the stake primary president, I had a very sick daddy and a very tight schedule. I didn't really look at the hearts of my children or husband or I wasn't at all focused on eternity.  I closed my eyes to what our family was being led to embrace. Maybe I was scared. 

Soon after that day, Steve and I went to eat with some friends and I heard the words come out of his mouth that Gretchen and I would someday adopt a child. I think he even said he would love to have two more! Ha-I smiled and laughed.  It was in that moment that I realized his arms was bigger than mine! I love children, but to take on the task of another one to raise seemed more than I wanted to handle.

All around me friends of mine were adopting, had recently adopted or thinking about adoption. I didn't even think of this as a sign. I felt so touched as each one of them shared their experiences with us and I truly thought it was precious for them. I would do anything in my power to help them with "their" journey.  In fact this very summer I told one of my friends I would have a picture fundraiser for them to help bring their child home. As I said those words, chills ran up my spine, because I knew I was talking to myself.

"Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God" Matthew 5: 8

Just about every day I learn something from my children. They teach me far more than I could ever teach them. I have learned about faith, service, forgiveness, peacemaking skills, and recently I learned how pure in heart they truly are and how I need to be more like them. They truly look upon the hearts of people.

In the scriptures I love the story where Jesus visited Mary and Martha. The scripture says: she received him into her house. "And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus feet, and heard his word.  But Martha was cumbered about much serving and came to him and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? Bid her therefore that she helps me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful; and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 38-42.

This summer I finally realized how important in my life the one needful thing. Maybe I really learned it for the first time. Our time on earth is truly short.

2 Chr. 29-"My sons, be not now negligent: for the Lord hath chosen you to stand before him, to serve him, and that ye should minister unto him..."

This is what I mean:  I was so consumed with wanting to sell our home to build a bigger house on the land so our children could be more comfortable and closer to their school. I was so concerned about preparing the house to sale-painting, fixing-up, summer projects, saving money or paying off bills, I could list more and more stuff. I was for sure not focused on "the needful thing". 

Here's where the plot thickens!

I really was moving like a whirlwind through the summer. I was studying for the praxis 2 and had a wedding to shoot; the boys had a Boy Scout fundraiser I was helping to plan all in one weekend.  Serious craziness on my part!  My mind was never still; it was racing 90 to nothing. So this weekend in June was by far the busiest weekend of my entire summer and I had the most moving dream of my life. It is far to personal to share on a blog but if you feel inspired and need to hear it email me. As I woke from that dream-I knew without a doubt that I had been focused on the wrong things and that I needed to change.  I knew I needed to start praying about what my children were asking the Lord in their prayers: "That if we should adopt then mom and dad would know". I knew our family was about to be lead on an amazing journey.  I shared my experience with Steve and my mom and a few close friends. They joined me in prayer, as did each of our children. In fact many of you may have been praying for us and didn't even know it because my sweet friend posted this on her blog.

I was no longer scared-another friend reminded me of this scripture in 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

As we began discussing the prospects of adoption Steve kind of backed off a bit. He got what I have heard in adoption language as RHS (reluctant husband syndrome) although he felt it in his heart, actually making it happen was a different story. Going to classes, doing homework, writing autobiographies, home studies visits seemed like a lot.  He was worried about the money part of adoption.  He worried how it would affect our children.  Were we good enough parents...I have my doubts too but I was quickly reminded that who the Lord calls he qualifies. 


Like I said before Steve's arms are big and his heart is bigger. I began fasting and praying that he would feel as I felt.  But,  I still had not given up on selling the house and building on the land and couldn't feel peace with all these things.  It didn't go together...adoption plans, student teaching, moving! Moving during a homestudy would complicate things. Plus we'd have to move into a rental while we built then move again....really complicated.  I was trying to make it work in my mind. I never thought about not moving!  Steve came home from work and we had a good heart to heart! He felt strong that we should not sell the house right now.  I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Good idea! I knew what this meant-we'd be starting our home study. At first I thought where in the world would we put another child. Then I quickly remembered how selfish I was being when indeed we have been blessed with so much more than we need. We can bunk up!    

I began doing research on agencies and how it worked-I prayed and prayed what direction we should take.  I spent hours researching and praying and wanting to talk about it all the time. I was really thinking to myself...why all the sudden am I so driven to this-when just a few months before I was so sure this wasn't for us! I know I was driving the people around me (a.k.a Steve)bonkers because I was driving myself bonkers!  I felt so drawn to Ethiopia.  All of a sudden every single place I went people were coming into my life who were adopting-I was just about to the point when I met someone new or even caught up with someone I hadn't seen in awhile I would want to say and are you about to adopt a child! 
There was one child in particular that caught my eye. Her name is Jemila.  She had been malnourished and I felt particularly drawn to her. I just assumed that I would see the face of a child and know if she/he was to be ours. So because I was so touched by her story and her face I thought she was mine. I learned an amazing thing about myself from her that I could accept many things. She was in Ethiopia. It would literally cost us 30 grand.  She had the most beautiful brown skin and curly brown hair!  We would travel twice and she had some special needs...what I learned is that if she was my child I would swallow any amount of pride to earn money-fundraisers etc, I would accept her special needs and I could love her.  I didn't realize it at the time but she was an answer to my prayer that I could truly adopt a child and love him/her as my own. I was completely touched by an angel. Her file was taken by another family soon after we started praying about her so I knew her place was for me to learn all that I did. I still have her picture posted on my fridge. I have such a love for her even though I may never meet her. She opened my eyes and let me know that no matter what race, or cost I would be willing to go the journey even with her special circumstances.

We truly went full circle while we were trying to decide what to do.  We learned quickly that we didn't have to go to Ethiopia to follow God's will for our family. Although it seemed like a precious journey God's will is for us to remain right here.  We were led to an agency that was right here in our town. Heaven sent children (go figure- since I had interviewed agencies all over the US!) We will be adopting intrastate, which means domestic children that are in our US foster care system.   I was ready to beg for money to go to Ethiopia  but what a blessing that this adoption plan will only cost a couple of thousand dollars.  I had to literally climb a mountain to find out information about it because in TN they want you to foster first. We felt certain that foster care wasn't something we were prepared to do. Through our agency we will not have to foster first.

We began our 11-week adoption courses 3 weeks ago and the process began.  This might be a long process there are a lot of strings involved because we have to wait until a child's parental rights removed (sad) to be able to even look at their files etc but we can be patient. (I think)  So we don't have a special face that we are working toward right at this moment. We didn't see a picture that we knew was supposed to be our child, but God literally spoke to our hearts and is guiding this journey.  And when I truly let go and turned it over to him I have been amazed already.

A child enters your life and fills a special place in your heart. A place you never even knew was empty!

Mark 10: 16

And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them.