The strangest times

The Christmas spirit didn't fill my heart this year as it has so many years in the past.  I could never get all my family together for a family picture so I didn't do Christmas cards!   I found myself grumpy and undecided what to buy for people not wanting to spend unnecessary money on more junk when I feel that I'm busting out the seams of this house.   Seems that since we lost good ole' Papa Christmas for me hasn't been the same. Every year at Christmas he gave me money to go buy mom gifts. It was one of my favorite things to do for him.  I miss him.   The grieving process comes in the weirdest spurts! I think the holidays bring back so many memories because we spend them with those we love.     My Christmas break has been forced oil changes, ortho appts, doctor appts,  shopping and more shopping and wrestling matches. We've had stomach virus-I lost my 3500 camera and spent 7 hours looking for it. We've been praying about another adoption situation and I've found myself wanting instant answers to prayers! BUT back to the point of the post....I had planned to relax, watch Christmas movies, bake cookies and sleep!

Today it finally hit.   I ran to the grocery store to pick up a few things  and while I was there I had this peace, incredible thanksgiving feeling that came over me.  All the hustle and bustle of people in the grocery store going by me and  it was like I was moving in slow motion!!! Ha!   I'm so thankful for my sweet blessings. Oil changes mean we have vehicles that run, ortho appts mean we have the means to put braces on our children's teeth,  a found camera means I work at the most honest school ever-it was sitting in the cafeteria right where I left it and the last place I thought to look,

  shopping means we have family to buy gifts, stomach virus means we get well in 24 hours instead of dealing with Christmas in the hospital or waiting on the next test to come back from a doctor like our sweet friends the Caten family, wet and soiled clothes dropped off at the back door means strong sons that have enough work ethic to run and train for state even in the rain,

 and a husband out shopping because he LOVES giving me gifts and many more blessings that I take for granted every day.  I am so ready for Christmas to get to be with the people that I love the most! Most of all I am thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ and for His life, the perfect example for us to live by. I am blessed to know that He lives and loves me. 

Merry Christmas!

2011 favorite Christmas song

Some years we all have a separate favorite but this year......pa rum pum pum pum....We have a family favorite song.  I love it when old songs give new meaning or maybe we never paid attention to the words close enough.   "The Little Drummer Boy"  has made it's way into our hearts this season.

Our favorite line is......"I play my best for Him".  Our new family goal....to play our best for Him in whatever we do to give it all we got so He can smile at us too. 

one year ago-celebrating the big year mark!

*One year ago this week I was preparing to graduate college!

*One year ago this week I got a new calling at church as young women president!

*One year ago this week we were almost finished with our home study for our adoption-we turned in our very last document from the vet! 

*One year ago this week I got my first job as a teacher!!

What a wonderful year of change and blessings in my life! I've learned so much and been stretched even more...I am so thankful for this past year of people that have come into my life. Somehow I've been so touched by so many people of all different ages...2nd grade, kindergarten, college age, yw teenage, and 2 year old!

adoption and such

So....right after Brent and Colin left our home another case with another agency that had our information contacted us.  A birth mom in Arizona had picked our family to adopt her seven year old son.  I thought it was meant to be Steve not so much.  I prayed and prayed and even though I wasn't getting clear answers I was sure that I was just scared so it was ok to move forward. Steve was not getting the same feelings.  We talked to the mom in Arizona and she was the sweetest lady. She had been through a lot and desperately wanted to find a good home with siblings to adopt her son.

It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and I had decided to fast with prayer.  The agency wanted us to book a flight to come out and meet the little Arizona guy. We went to watch the boys wrestle and while I was there I ran across a friend that has adopted three of her children.  She is so experienced in adoption.  She was answering my prayers as we talked but she did not know it! The things she said pricked my heart.  I was beginning to See he wasn't really our son but I just wanted it!     I woke up at 3 AM in the night sick, sick, sick.  I got up and reread the little Arizona guy's profile over again.  I had read it 20 thousand times (***note***when we got Brent and Colin I only read their profile once)  It was as if words jumped off the profile that I had not seen before.  I was so sad. I wanted this to be it.  Finally, the chase for the unknown child we had so desperately prepared for and prepared for to be over!!!!  There were things in the profile that I knew our children would not mesh with. There were many things that I knew would be hard for me and things I had stated in the beginning that I didn't think I could handle if I were choosing.  SO....I felt like this was an answer to my prayers.  Steve agreed and we called it off. Yes, it was hard for me to call off something I wanted but I had such a peace that felt so right.  The mom in Arizona had another family on back up in case we didn't pull through. 

Next, since I was fasting I just decided to finish it out. We usually fast  for 24 hours.  Steve and I talked about how it would not be a crazy idea to fast for Brent and Colin to come back if it was the Lord's will.  Although we had fasted for that before since I was fasting...why not. 

I ended my fast on a date with Steve that night and we talked about them and decided until we feel like we felt with them....like we feel with our own children we would just wait about adoption.  We really felt like they were just as much our children as our biological kids.

Thirty minutes after our date the phone rang...it was Amanda. She said that they had gotten a call from Stephanie(their mom) that day and she really wanted her boys to be with us.  I instantly started crying and the kids started praying.  I felt sure this was it.  The agency gave her the weekend to think about it and for everyone to get their thoughts together.   Wow!! what a story this would be if they returned. 

BUT-they didn't!  She really does feel like they need to be with us but she doesn't really have the energy or fight in her to do what it takes to get them to us.  She has a LOT in her life and although she may feel like they need to be with us she has many steps to go through to get them with us.   We still have hope and we feel ok to pray about it if it's the Father's will but we are not dwelling on it!

I am not sure why but since this I have had such a peaceful feeling.  I am sure the Lord is aware of us and our feelings.  We are not sure which way we will go or if we just take a break or what we will do I guess just wait for a little while to decide.    We will probably renew our home study next year some time and decide what to do.  I have had other thoughts but I'm waiting for the rest of the family to come up with those thoughts on their own!

whew! what an event

Since the beginning of our married life together, Steve and I have had a family tradition to put up our Christmas tree on Grandpa Solomon's birthday on Dec. 3.  Since he passed before we had children this is a way we can remember him.  Sometimes we read letters he wrote about his family and other times we just put our tree up and remember it was his special day.

This year we had a trillion things going Dec. 3. but we still managed to get our tree up just not completely decorated.  Whew...I had no idea getting teenagers schedules together and putting up the tree was such a big ordeal! 

Leah sang in her school chorus program at the Bethlehem marketplace.  This is the neatest program put together by another church. It was amazing and real!

 So Sunday we dedicated to put the decorations up and finish the tree after church.  Well we ended up getting four or five things...we had to do...visits to us, extra church meetings, ooops forgot homework,  the boys were asked to do more church visits and while I realize these things are important part of life-I only wanted an hour of two of their time! Steve and I kinda got in a disagreement before..so we were not in the best mood.  Nice how Satan can sneak in when you are trying to do good stuff!   I finally got them together tired and dreary and not exactly in the mood to do a tree. BUT oh did they pep up! 

Our sleepy elf!

Here's the crazy crew!

So the boys found joy in torturing Caroline by hanging non ornament objects on our tree.  We found duct tape, wii control, plastic forks and other things.  As fast as she could take them off, they would put them back on. Poor kid

Andrew keeping it real...singing to us!

Dear ole' Dad unpacking it all and trying to keeping his patience!

Finally we finished our tradition, watched the Christmas program and heard the beautiful messages of the prophet and ate sugar cookies!

So thankful for my crazy kids in my life and that I get the opportunity to be a mom!

***check out our little Christmas tree!  A few years we bought this tree when our house was for sale over the holidays...we never replaced it with a bigger one!  Blake and Andrew are almost as tall as the tree!!!****

Blake's year to light the star!  It was a true event!!!(HA  HA)



Birthday Kid!

This past week we had a celebration!  Our kid turned 17...one year until he is considered an adult!!!!

  The big seventeen has sneaked into our home when we weren't looking!  How did it happen?  Really?  I remember my sister-in-law Chrys saying just wait till they turn 12-it's pretty much over before you know it. Well I felt like up until 12 went fast but she's right from 12 till now has gone even faster.  

Our boy!

Easy going

lover of reading

lawn mower
rule follower

Fun

well-rounded

sports crazed

life scout

healthy eating

seminary attender

class officer

sleepy

straight A's

hungry

sacrament blesser

our family weed eater

oldest

Beta Club member

example to my youngers

shrimp lover

texter

work-outer

math whiz

selfless

motivator

friend inviter over

ihop craver

thank yous for everything

wrestler

personal family left over food disposal

money saver

guitar picker

thinks he's a Dougy dancer

girl looker

good driver

Jrob "I did it" completer

omelet eater

prayer

This kid is amazing. He motivates me.   I am so honored and blessed to be his mom!

This past year many good things have happened for Blake. It is wonderful to see his hard work and dedication pay off.

My favorite story from him is about his summer camp.

He and his brother attended an intensive camp for wrestlers in Iowa.  It is much like a military camp. I wasn't really sold on the idea when he first asked to go.   I was pretty sure my kid was so good without with it.  After I watched the video and he told me how much he wanted to go I was sold when I learned about how this camp wasn't  really a "wrestlers" camp as much as LIFE skills were taught there even relaxation skills.

Steve and I are strong boyscout parents. We love scouts. Clearly since Steve has been a scout master for 5 years....we believe that boy scouts teach life long skills.  We hope that both our boys earn their Eagle...but we think this is their decision to make. We've never really pushed and hopefully they will want it as much as we hope it for them.  We want them to want it so much that they earn it on their own and we will help them in whatever ways they need us.  

 HOWEVER, we believe that sports teach those same hard working life skills as well. I really, really  struggled with the decision to let him go to this camp. In the camp description it says to be prepared for them to want to come home early!  He really wanted to go but I had a hard time helping him pay for torture! (that's how I saw it).  While they were there I was pretty much worried the entire time and not until they came home did I realize our decision to help him attend this camp was a great blessing to him.   He told me how much his testimony of the Savior had grown during these 2 weeks.  I was so humbled to learn that in his hardest times through the 2 weeks that he found comfort during prayer and felt the strength of the Lord carry him when he didn't feel strong enough to carry himself.   I'm thankful for these lessons learned and I hope that they strengthen him over the next few years as he completes high school and prepares to serve a mission.   Really we may never see a difference on the mat this year from the camp but the testimony growth alone was well worth the energy.

I love you!

Happy Birthday Blake!