The story

I wanted to post the whole story here for a couple of reasons. It's hard to explain it and so many of you have prayed with us and loved us through this whole process that I want you to know and I don't want to talk about it over and over so this is a good place to tell all. Second, it helps me to process when I blog.

2 weeks ago a birth mom walked into our local agency, heaven sent adoptions. She was the mother of twin boys age 2 almost three. This really doesn't happen. When we began adoption process this is what we wanted but were told it is so rare. We were open to older children.   This birth mom had wanted to choose adoption since they were born but felt like a failure and tried to keep them to please everyone else. She said she had pleased everyone but no one was there for her the entire time. She had a c-section at birth and came home with no one.I could not imagine how hard her life has been. They were busy little boys.   She knew it was in the boys best interest to make adoption plans.   She was young and already a mom of a daughter so she was juggling three children alone.  She was desperate for help and knew she couldn't parent any more. After counseling sessions with the workers there they let her view families that were ready for adoption. Although we were now waiting with American Adoptions for an African American infant,  Heaven Sent had all our info. because they did our home study. They are really the people that know us.

She picked us and we were contacted.  We were told there was a birth father. He would possibly put up a fight but they felt he would not attempt too much of a fight since he has not physically been with them since 2009 and had no phone calls or contact at all since this past May 2011.  We were told it is a risk. He might freak out when he gets the call that they are going up for adoption but since he lived 4 hours away with no job and very behind on child support that they felt we would be safe.  After they were with us for 4-6 months we could file abandonment on him and go forward with the adoption. 
A second risk was the mom might change her mind. I felt ok with both risk. We all felt ok.

We met with the mom at the agency. We loved her. She was a perfect fit for us.  We were able to take the boys that day.  We were so overjoyed and couldn't believe how it all took place.   The plan was for us to take them for the weekend and the mom really see how they did and how she did. She was to meet back at the agency on Monday to discuss plans.
During this first meeting we were also told about an aunt. The only person that has been with the boys in the family. It was an aunt on the father side. She had helped the birth mom with rent, vehicle and seemed to have an interest in them.  We were told she wanted to stay in contact for occasional visits once we bonded with them.  We thought that would work perfect and had no problems.

We got a call on Monday that the birth mom was a little scared about her decision and to be prepared. We had almost expected that call.  The agency met with her and instead of taking them back or wavering  she said she was ready to surrender her rights to us.  We were rejoicing and felt we had made it over the first hurdle. The birth father not showing up for a few more months and we would be good.  The aunt was upset that this was happening.   The father  had been contacted and said  he would not sign rights but still didn't make plans to see them so we still felt we were good. We began to make longer term plans because with the mom surrendering her rights we felt pretty confident it was going in our favor.

We kept cocooning and enjoying.

Thursday, we got another call. The aunt got an attorney on the father's behalf. She wanted the boys and she was going to fight for them by using the father. Her plans were to bring him into court-for him to get custody then sign his rights to her.  The mom had many questions-like where were you when I told you I was going to do this or where were you when I really needed help. I think the aunt didn't really thing she would go through with it and when it actually began to happen she freaked. 

We ask to meet the aunt. We didn't want to fight an ugly battle that cost lots of money and then loose the boys. We didn't know really if the father would show or not and we didn't really know if the aunt would really continue to fight but we did know that every single day they were with us we were all bonding and it would be so hard to loose them after a year or two.  We prayed for the aunt to see our hearts. We couldn't imagine trying to raise these boys without two parents. She travels with her job so we couldn't imagine them being left with so many people when they were already juggled a lot. 

We met on Friday night. She was not going to back off or so it seemed.   I may never know if the aunt could win in a court or if the father ever would make an appearance in court. In my mind I think he would not but I couldn't stand the thoughts of getting any more attached and then loosing them after a year or two because that was a huge risk for all involved.     The meeting was emotional-many tears were shed and it was hard.   The birth mom was there too. She really wanted us to have the boys. It was a hard place for all of us.

The birth mom still hasn't surrendered her rights. She was told not too. If she surrendered to us and the birth father actually appears-we could loose to him and that was for sure a place she didn't want them to go.   She is so torn.  They were taken from our home yesterday. It was as traumatic as it sounds.  I wish I would've been strong enough to make it easier on the boys. I wish I would've sat in the floor and played games with the aunt and the boys till we were all comfortable but I just couldn't.  None of us could.   They hadn't seen the aunt in awhile so it was probably a shock.  Blake, Andrew, Leah Beth and Caroline were in shock as well. They wanted to be present. I had doubts about it but I respected their desires.  The entire week just  happened so fast. They might be ours....they were ours....they were not ours. YUK.  We didn't sign up for fostering. We signed up for eternity.   

We knew it was  risk when we took them in but we thought  it would be a struggle for the mom or the father might possibly make an appearance but we didn't think the aunt would be a problem. We felt pretty confident in the meetings that things would be in our favor.   Part of me thinks the aunt just wanted to win a fight with the mom. I worry that she will just give them to the people she wants to have them.  But another part of me wants to believe she really wants them. We got a text from our social worker as soon as we left them to not get rid of our custody papers yet.  We don't know what that means exactly but we do know that until the aunt and the mom and the dad all agree we are the home for these babies we can't go back and forth for us or for them. 

It was a roller coaster week. We are trying to process and understand our place in all of this. Caroline said it perfect. "I can't explain how I feel, I just don't feel right." 

Many have said just keep pursing adoption there will be another but  I don't think we can handle it.  We love too deep.  If we go foreign where there are other risk and things but people don't change their mind  or want to fight over kids...maybe.   But right now we need rest. 

Thanks for loving us and your kind words, messages, texts, facebooks. We are thankful for our social worker Amanda that fought hard for us and loved us and cried with us and prayed with us.  We are thankful for family that love us and give us support. We are thankful for friends that jumped in and brought dinner, clothes, carseats and offered prayers on our behalf.   We are thankful for Heavenly Father's loving support through this process.  We are thankful to have four children. I can't imagine doing this and coming home without a home full of love to help you heal and stay busy.  We are thankful for Brent and Colin that taught us so much in a short time.