The difference a week can make!

 I really didn't want to blog after this past week,  or write or think about the way I feel, but decided if I don't start today I may never start back. I love our family blog and that we print it for our family history. So although I don't want to think about it now I know later I'll be glad I did.
I never imagined I would be writing this post. I never imagined the surgery wouldn't work. I just knew we needed a heart and that he wouldn't survive without one. I never thought that his body was too weak or it just wouldn't work when he got a heart. Even in the end I kept thinking NO he's a fighter, look how much he's fought. I sat in shock as the doctors explained to us that it wouldn't work. That he couldn't fight any more.  I have been through at least a million different emotions in the past week and I can't imagine how many more are too come.
For starters-shock-when they called us to that awful quiet room.
next-anger-I could've kicked every single plant in that hospital over.
next-sad
next-sad
next-gratitude that he was so planned and didn't leave us with too many decisions
next-sad
then-anger again
then-lonely
next-thankfulness again for the gospel
then sad
it goes on and on. Today I am paranoid beyond control. I am so afraid something terrible will happen to steve or mom or my kids or Adrian's family or steve's family.  Pretty much I guess I could be classified as crazy!
We had a beautiful funeral-there are no words that can say how it felt that night.
I feel blessed so many have helped us thru this and brought food, and prayed and more. I literally feel showered with prayers, love and affection and food! It has been nice to not worry about how to feed my family or trying to cook for them.   I know now why people send flowers and plants. Mom's, Adrian's and my house smells so good with fresh flowers and the green plants are so pretty in the sun room. It actually does bring cheer.  I know the next few weeks will suck. We just have to get through them. It is hard to get from racing to the hospital to see him and feed him his favorite lemon yogurt to  now missing him and his funny things he says-wishing I could have another 30 minutes more. I just never imagined this was the plan. I never imagined that this would feel like shattered glass inside my body.  I thought if we got the chance for a heart he'd be healing and coming home in a few weeks. We heard so many successful stories.  I just never imagined this.
I know we will heal. I understand we will be together again but today it just sucks!  I was told this past week that this is the time we really put our faith to test. It's true how many times this week I've just wished to be able to see where he was-to feel how he feels-and as we know faith is the belief of things we know are real without seeing them.  I know he is watching over us still, and not wanting us to worry about him. It is truly a test of faith though.
My plan is to return to school tomorrow and be with mom on the weekend.  One day at a time, isn't that how it goes!

Week in Review!

What a week we have had a the Solomon house!

On Tuesday a feeding tube was put in papa. He really didn't want it and neither did I but it has really strengthened him. He has been able to get up a little bit. He can hold his head up and he is talking now. He still unable to feed himself but is much stronger than last week.  In fact he is talking a lot. He started steroids to get him ready for the surgery. The medication has changed his personality. It's kinda funny. He is the sweetest most considerate person and now he is like an old mean and grumpy man!  I couldn't believe how grumpy. He said the nurses were trying to kill him!  We have laughed and laughed and laughed because we have never seen or heard him say the things he is saying!  He never rolls his eyes at mom and for the first time in my life I saw him rolling his eyes at most everything she says!  He told her to get over here so he could squeeze her arm and quit asking him if he wants some food!  She thinks its funny!  It kind of scares me. He will have to be on steroids after the surgery for the most part of his life. I hope it doesn't change his personality forever!  The doctors say sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't!  

Tuesday I skipped my night class to run up to visit. The girls wanted to take a few valentines gifts!

Me during CPR training and certification for children and infants during one of the night classes.

Our sweet girl Leah Beth got invited to New Beginnings at church for young women.  She will be 12 in 2010 so they invited all the girls that were coming in to YW this year. She was so excited. Her Daddy missed scouts and was able to be there for the big occasion. She can't wait to be in the program!

Our helper Caroline read 6 hours this week to win a ticket to six flags!  She was non-stop reading! She did it so I guess we'll be heading back to six flags this year!

Andrew and his BFF Mitchell painted the town Friday night at the school function! Mitchell even got to go with us to watch Blake's big win Sat. It was fun to have him there!

Blake worked his way at the regional tournament to a place at state.  We are so proud of our freshman and excited for the experience. It was amazing to watch and made the whole entire family nervous.  We were all on pins and needles. Blake said it was the most nervous he has ever been wrestling!  He had  16 other high schoolers in his weight class of 135/the largest weight class at the tournament.    He has trained for a long time for this weekend!  The last couple of weeks he began 4 hour/double practices. I don't know how he manages it all. He is so completely driven. I always say do you want to miss a day of school or seminary to catch up on sleep...and he always answers no way-I don't want to miss a day!  I don't know where I got him but I'm so glad I was blessed with him. He motivates me to try harder!

Blake's biggest fans!  Dad and Uncle Bruce. I don't know who was the most nervous the Dad or the Uncle!

Steve surprised me with a dinner date for our anniversary and we were going to the movies too but after that long two days of watching blake dinner was enough. We'll save the movies for another day!  For Valentines he went with me to the hospital and we had the best time visiting with mom and dad! It was the best gift ever and just what I needed. Thanks to all those who gave him the heads up on the idea post!

This is what I found when we came home from our date night Sat. night. Cheng and Chong  moved a mattress into the floor in our room!  Crazy girls I don't know why they even need a bedroom!

Wow!!! What a week!  Time sure does fly when your having fun!

Happy Sweethearts Day!

17 years and counting

Happy 17 years babe!

I'm the luckiest girl in the world! 

Can't wait to spend the day celebrating our 17th anniversay watching Blake wrestle today hoping for a spot at state! 

Friday Foto!

Dearest sweetheart!

This is just a reminder that.......
 in just one day and a half it will be Feb. 13...and  we will be celebrating our 17th year of marriage! Can you believe it?  How can it already be 17 years!  I have been with you almost longer than I lived at home with my family.   Life with you gets better every single day!  Seriously our last fight lasted 3 minutes instead of 3 days!!! Wow we're getting so good at this marriage thing!   Your overworked, stressed out,  poor college student wife needs a good gift-I know I am already pretty spoiled by gifts but just in case you needed it here are-

A few ideas:

date night alone with just me and you!

money

a new couch for the studio

The TV set up in the studio

dinner

date night (with us and with friends you know group date)

a clean house

a clean van

hot chocolate from Starbucks

dishes and laundry done for a whole week to be paid in when I really need it(-like during finals week or preschool picture week while mid-terms are going on! )

A Sunday drive to the land!

A love letter! (I know this is rough but I could ask for a big diamond!)

a certificate to get my hair and/or nails done

I'll keep thinking but this is enough to get you started! 
Oh and by the way I've had your gift 4 weeks...no pressure or anything!!!

Love your dearest sweetest wife!

Ha I don't think he even reads this blog but just in case it's worth a try right!!!!

Weekend's happenings!

Friday we spent trying to catch up from this past insane week. Saturday morning I left before the sun came up to attend a math conference for teachers-imagine me all day in a math conference with people wearing shirts that said "I LOVE MATH!" I got out of there as quickly as possible and headed down to spend the next 30 hours visiting my folks at St. Thomas who are now in week 3 of the critical care.   Our plot to try to stay longer by bathing and feeding him was cut a little shorter than last time I visited. I think the staff is catching on to us.  Although we got to stay longer the the 15 short minutes we are allowed each time.  They kicked us out twice. There have been some changes with Dad since I was last with him, he is much weaker. I had to leave the room at least 5 times to gather my thoughts-and keep my composure. I was really shocked to see how much weaker he had become.  He amazed me still by his will to fight. The strength he has is used for breathing but he was determined to do everything the doctors say to do.  The told him to sit up in the chair for an hour 3 times a day. So even with nothing left in his soul-he will sit up- he sat there with no strength to even hold his head up.  I begged him to get in the bed to let us put him back in bed for my own benefit to not have to watch the struggle,  but he said he needed to do what they said. He is having a hard time holding food down. I really hate for him to have a feeding tube but I know that is the next step. We got to bring him his favorite lemon yogurt. He loved that and it stayed down most of the time. My mom is struggling with not being able to take care of his every need. She wishes she had him home and is praying for the day they  move into the little after transplant apartment so she can take care of him just how she wants.

I was so happily greeted by some sweet family members when I returned last night-they all ran to meet me at the van, even Uncle Bruce!  I wrapped my arms around each one and thanked God for giving me a family to share my life with.  To my surprise my dear husband had done so well. All the laundry was done for the week. The house was clean and the refrigerator even cleaned out!  All the kids had been carted to practices and weekend birthday parties.  There was milk and cereal for breakfast.  Caroline whispered in my ear, "Will this be an every weekend thing for you to be gone?"  I said, "I'm not sure, why?" Her reply, "Don't know how much of Dad being in charge I can take!"

This week I am thankful for:

Living close enough to my family that I can visit often

parents that love each other still

witnessing the blessing that come from those who have given monetary and spiritual things (food, money, prayers etc) to my family during this struggle.

a supportive husband and children while I will need to be gone a lot.

a new understanding of people who hurt deeply when they watch the health of their parents melt away.

Good friends to talk to and who have given me and my family supportive text and unconditional love and support.

 stake primary counselors and sec. that I work with in my calling that step up to the plate while I am falling apart.

and answered prayers that he is still fighting while he waits.

Too good not to blog about

Yesterday was a huge writing assessment for many children throughout the state in certain grades. It just happens that Andrew and Leah Beth both had an assessment yesterday.  When we all got home I ask them what was their writing prompts. Leah Beth said she had to write about if she were able to jump in the pages of a book what would happen. Andrew's writing prompt was to write about a role model. 
So I had to ask..who did you write about...
His answer...BLAKE.
He went on to tell me all the qualities he wrote about his brother! Sure wish I could get a copy of that essay for my own sake!

One sure fire way to a mother's heart is when her children love each other!

New blog

My mom started a new blog click here to read the journey as papa gets a new heart!

Answered prayers!

The doctors met this morning and have decided to move him up to the very top of the list a 1A-without the surgery. WOW what a blessing!  All these prayers are working-he's stable and waiting! They meet every week to determine his status on a weekly basis!   Can't wait to see what this upcoming week will bring!
Just found out that our whole entire stake fasted for his benefit this past weekend. I had no idea. I am so grateful to be a part of an amazing church  and family and friends!

OVER 2 weeks

My sweet daddy has been in the hospital for a long time. This time over two weeks have gone by since he's been home. He spent Christmas there and returned home New Year's eve only to return again a week later.  He is back in critical care now. He's really weak. It is one of the hardest things I've witnessed in my life. Someone you love so much in so much pain and you really can't do anything about it.  It's hard for me to be here living my life and continuing on with my family while he's there suffering in the hospital and only getting to visit once in awhile.  And if you visit while he's in critical care you can only go in 15 minutes every 3 hours. (My mom has learned how to get more time though because she offers to feed him or bath him so the nurses don't have too and they gladly let her stay!) I thought about taking the semester off but he didn't want me to.  It is possible if he's strong enough this week they will do a huge procedure to put a device around his heart that will keep it pumping for him while he waits for his heart. If he does the surgery he will remain in critical care until he gets his new heart. It could be weeks, days or hours before that time.  And while many have mixed feelings about us praying for a heart-we are not praying for someone to die we are simply praying that if someone does die and that person  is a donor that it will match what we need. I am just glad we live in a time this is an option.  

yeah for snow weekends!

We've had the best weekend! Everything was cancelled due to snow!  We've watched movies, read, played monopoly and speed, played computers, danced to the teenage music coming from the back bedrooms,  made cookies and slept late!   Wish it never had to end. But,  Steve made his way back to work this morning! I'm suppose to be writing a paper on open-ended assessment (how boring), and life is slowly going back to the grind!  Thank goodness for snow weekends once in awhile!! 

freshman Grand Championship Daily News Journal article Today!

Three Rutherford County freshmen wrestlers won their weight classes in the Fred Rigsby Middle Tennessee High School Freshman Grand Championship on Jan. 23 at McGavock.



Eagleville's Blake Solomon won at 135 pounds. Riverdale's Scottie Boykin won at 189 and Siegel's Jacob Schultz won at 145.
The tournament included wrestlers from more than 30 Middle Tennessee schools.
 (wish I could find the article that has the picture attached to it...but oh well.)


DNJ
 
 

GO BLAKE GO!!!

Off the market

After much discussion we have finally decided that when our listing expired to not relist. It has really been a hard decision for all of us. It almost feels like giving up a little bit on a dream. BUT...keeping my sanity is important so we are going to wait. The problem is I am not raising newborns any more. Raising our family on the land was what we always wanted. The last time I looked my oldest child is 15!  It takes around a year to build a house (give or take).  If we don't start building our house now we really aren't going to be raising our family in our house on the land. We talked with Blake about this...we had the full discussion and even the full disagreement with him present!!! He needed to be in on this decision too.  So my thoughts have changed lately a lot. I have decided to simplify. Selling our home or trying to sell our home while finishing up my last year of college is not a very simple way to live!  Here's what has brought us to this decision...

watching my brother in law and sister in law be without a job for almost a year has been heart wrenching.  I realized really we have so much. Our house is fine. We have enough of what we need!

Being with my family while my Dad has been so so sick this year has taught me that it really doesn't matter where we are raising our kids but how we are raising our kids.

And last we have a close friend/family that recently lost his job as well. Not only has he lost his job but his whole family-this has been so hard on my kids mostly.  But the thing I have learned the most from this to cling tight to my family and to hold them a little more and especially to Steve.  Because when the kids are grown regardless where we live now...he's what's left!  My family unit is far too important to let something like a house/job/car/money get in the way.

 What I really want to do is really be happy where I am instead of "waiting till we get there"  to be happy!! 

This post was probably way too much information but it sure is good therapy.

BTW..I still can't find the spell check button. I updated the blogger a couple of weeks ago and there is no spell check any more...if anyone knows please tell me! 

It's one of THOSE days!

I could feel it coming on last night. The end of my weekend was almost here!  I barely saw Steve, the girls, or Blake so my family time was way short!  We were finishing up FHE and playing a game!  C. was losing her cool because we were not playing the game correctly!  I was losing my cool because she was losing her cool!  (who said FHE was a family bonding time-watching TV seemed far more bonding than playing games last night!) My nerves were on end. The nerve endings continued on into this morning. I woke up already feeling in a rage. Could it be menopause at my new age of 36? Ha.....
So in my selfish world...#1. I was complaining in my head about how the house is falling to pieces.
#2. The girls dresser drawers are breaking.  #3. because the van is a mess and I'm doing the carpool after seminary run this morn. #4.  Warren Co. got out of school and we didn't. #5.  That my poor daddy is still trying to get stable and regulated in the hospital-where is his heart already!   #6.  That all my teacher's gave me just enough information last week to get completely stressed out but not enough information to complete any of the assignments. #7.  Every single thing one of my kids said another one had something grumpy to say back.(getting on my nerves!) #8. I am so behind in every single aspect in my life...calling, laundry, mothering, cleaning, homework. #9.  Trying to set up the studio for pictures this morning and grumpy about the boys scouting stuff that has been lingering in the studio for a week. #10. Someone brushed their teeth with MY toothbrush!
So me, myself and I had to have one of those "come to Jesus" meetings. As I finished up the morning carpool my rage started to settle down when I made myself think of all the good things I have. I really wish I was one of those people that didn't have to settle myself down-that it was natural for me to always find the good eveyday!  So here's what I came up with.  #1. At least I have a house-warm, dry, messy house! #2.  The dressers need wood glue. -easiest task in the world..even I can do it!
#3.  I'm so glad I have a van...it works, it runs good, it gets me just where I need to go.
#4.  Glad Warren co. got out even if we didn't (mom didn't have to use a sick day while she's at the hospital with dad)
#5.  Last Monday Dad was so sick he was in critical care. It was bad. We were crossing our fingers and praying so hard that he would even make it. This Monday he's stable he's even walking the hall  a little!
#6. Glad for the opportunity to go to school
#7. Still gets on my nerves that they argue back and forth so early in the morn.-but being a mom is my favorite thing to do and be...even the bad! 
#8. I'm always behind on something...until I die I'll be behind.They'll have to call Mckenzie(my organized friend )to come organize all the stuff I left undone.    I am never still. I have 500 projects going at once. It's the way I am and I'll always be so I need to just finish a few so I can live with myself!
#9.  I needed the money really bad so setting up the studio is actually a blessing!
#10. I can wash my toothbrush in the dishwasher!
Life is really pretty darn good! EXCEPT...where is the darn spell check key on this updated blog??????

Zach is BACK

After two years of serving a church mission in Africa our Zach is back! He's back in the states  60 pounds lighter , nice beautiful tan, a stronger testimony of Jesus Christ and a funny little slang when he talks. We enjoyed hearing stories and seeing pictures(except all the weird stuff he ate and how sick he got while he was there) We are so glad he made is way to Tennessee since it's hard for us to leave with Papa so sick. We hate getting too far away!  It was great to visit with him and see how much he's grown up and changed!  Wowie he's gonna make someone a great hubby!

cave men!

Steve took his scout troop on an exciting campout this past weekend. They stayed in a cave. My brother (uncle A) and his kids are very familiar with this cave so my nephew William helped out by being the cave guide!  They had so much fun. I don't know who had more stories the boys or Steve and his brother Bruce!  Fun memories but I'm so glad I didn't have to go to sleep in a cave!

I can't believe it!

On Tuesday I will reach the ripe ole' age of 36. IN JUST FOUR days. OH MY GOSH! This really is starting to get on up there in my book. The beginnings of the 30's weren't so hard for me. 35 still felt ok. BUT 36...holy moly seems like a whole new thing. The 40's are just around the corner. I used to say this: Have my babies in my 20's, raise them in my 30's and send them off in my 40's, party and plastic surgery in my 50's! But now I am thinking maybe I should start the party and plastic surgery now! YEAH sounds good to me!
Ha!!!

BTW...school went great. All that anxiety. The kids did great and while I sat in class, although overwhelmed, It felt good to be back. It's good to feel like I have something for just me! It feels great to stretch my brain and learn and accomplish!

roller coaster of feelings

Hitting the snooze button this morning a flood of emotions attacked me. It's already time to go back to school. I am down to the nitty gritty. This is it! My last semester of classes. Could it be that I am already finishing my practicums? This is it before I student teach. The summer of 2008 seems like yesterday when I decided to go back to school. Packing in as many semester hours as they would let me;it didn't seem possible to be where I am now. Then- I never thought I would be taking all my practicums or the Praxis II test. 5 semesters then seemed like a lifetime. It's almost like when you have a new baby and the La Leche league lady says if you can just nurse 3 weeks you can nurse this baby a whole year. Those 3 weeks feel like a decade but then at the year mark you pick up your precious little stinker and you think where did my year go! We made it!
So today I am a basket case.
I am happy that I am finally where I am.
I am sad to loose the month I just had with my kids just being a SAHM and part time photographer.
I am stressed to begin this semester with all the work that is going to be due.
I am overwhelmed with a messy house that I meant to get all organized before I returned to school.
I am amazed that I am in the program and finally finishing up.
I am scared..What happens if I mess up when I'm in the first grade classroom-what if I teach for fun instead of by the state standards! Ha
I am worried about my kids when I am trying to juggle them around.(they are the most important thing in my life-I don't want them to feel like they are on the back burner)
I am grateful for this opportunity to spread my wings and for steve for supporting me in this journey.
So today, I am going to be hitting my knees, praying for strength in all these things because for sure one thing I have learned is I can not do this without a higher strength of help.
My schedule is:
Mon-math lab(teaching math to students-HA! I know me teaching math)
Tuesday morning-practicum lab
Tuesday night -Literacy practicum lecture
Wednesday morning-Practicum lab (1st grade)
Wednesday night -Math lecture
Thursday morning-Practicum lab
Thursday night-Literacy lecture
Friday half day...8-2 practicum set up and lecture!

I can smell graduation just not taste it yet! This is a journey that I wouldn't trade. The lessons I've learned have made me a better wife and mother. So on with this roller coaster i'll go. I guess I'll just keep being an emotional basket case. When I sit in class tonight I'll be missing blake's wrestling match, and wishing I was picking up andrew from practice and going over Leah's spelling words and watching zack and cody with caroline but when I do get the night to be with them again (Mond. martin Luther king day -no school) I'll be far more grateful for the time. It's kind of like sweets...when you take them out of your diet you'll start wanting them more!
So here's to the curvy, bumpy, upside down ride-I think I'll keep my eyes opened!

thankful thursday!

My mom loaded this on facebook this week. I laughed so hard at my bangs (what happened to my bangs!) I knew this one had to make it to the family blog! This is Lisa, Joy with me. We are hanging out at a slumber party when Joy came in for a visit! We've all been friends since we were 3! The great thing is Lisa and I still see each other a couple times a week. We carpool, trade kids, we are wrestling moms, seminary moms, scout moms and church moms together. Joy is far away but we keep up with her fam. through facebook. It's fun to go through life with people you love and they love you back! This Thursday I'm Thankful for good friends and family.