Tuesday, March 16, 2010

One month ago today

One month ago today was the hardest day of my entire life. I miss him so much it is crazy.

 I've learned a lot this month. I've cried a lot this month. I've been really mad a lot this month. I understand more this month than I did last month about others who have lost those they love and I never want to loose anyone else!  I need to go first! 
  It drives me so crazy when people say remember the good times and cherish them!  Every time I think about any of it I get so mad!   All the sudden I have anger issues!  When someone says...how are ya'll doing-I wanna scream-this all stinks..it just really stinks!   Still can't really talk about it the way people want me may never be able to!
I'm so lucky to have Steve and I can't imagine trying to deal with this when I was only 15 like he did.  It's a lot to process for someone so young.  He knows exactly everything I am feeling and  he's been so good to me and patient. I am so blessed. 

8 comments:

Lila said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jen said...

You are very blessed to have Steve. I wish there was something more I could do for you... I'd take those big tests you have, but that would NOT help you... you probably would like to pass them. :-) You are in my prayers.

LauraB said...

You are in my prayers ... and, frankly, a part of that anger never goes away. It becomes the drive that makes you better and stronger and richer. I think of my dad meeting prophets of God, meeting Joseph Smith and think ... crap! I've got alot of work to do. It makes the times I miss by dad easier, even just a little bit.

Meghan said...

:) I love you Gretchen!

JeNece said...

so glad you posted that....I have been thinking about you lately...Love you all!

The Greens said...

I know all of those emotions and just hurt that you are going through it. If I were there I would come clean your house top to bottom like you all did for me!!
I will remember you in my prayers.


--Christianne

lisapenn said...

Your daddy is a great man. I love that picture of you two. I love you Gretchen!

Sandy said...

I know you are going through so much pain right now. I wish so much I could take it all away. You have always been so sweet and kind to me and my family and I just wish I could take away all of your pain. Just know you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. We love and miss you so much!
Sandy